December 20, 2012

I'm not perfect

Recently I've been having a lot of frustrated/angry feelings toward my stepdaughter's mom.  After a very long and very upsetting mental health issue with my stepdaughter (that is still on going), my husband and I agreed to give primary residence back to her mom.  One of the  biggest factors was the doctor's felt Duckling needed to be home schooled.  Both my husband and I work, so that wasn't an option in our house.  Off she went back to live with her mom and be home schooled.
Here's a little history to help with understanding the situation.  Last year, Duckling went to a school that was independent study.  She had an advisor to help keep her on track.  At this school you also need alot of parent involvement, to make sure your child is doing their work. 
Also there is no due date on any of the work, as long as it is finished by the end of the school year.  When Duckling came to visit us for the summer, she had completed not quite 1/3 of the school year.  That's right, she did very little work and her mom wasn't making sure she was doing the work.  My husband spent most of the summer helping her finish the 8th grade.  We decided to keep her with us for high school.
Now her mom is homeschooling her.  And mom has started a fb page to share about their home schooling experience.  So I've been reading all over her personal page and homeshooler page about their homeschooling experience.  There are lots of comments saying how amazing she is for taking a hands on interest in her child's learning. 

I call bullsh*t.  I've been with my husband since Duckling was six.  I know what really goes on.  And it makes me fear for my stepdaughter's education.  I'm not saying that they will fail.  All I'm saying is people don't change over night.  And I am concerned.  I am frustrated because I don't really have any rights.  I want the best for Duckling.  I want to give her the world, but I may never get the chance.

All this made me realize something very important.  You can be whoever and whatever you want online.  Nobody knows the real you.  Nobody knows if you are exactly what you say.  I write about what I do with my kids, being Pagan, being green, health and wellness.  So I just wanted to share.

I'm not perfect.

1. I wish my home and family were more green.  There are so many things we could do, but I just don't have the time/money/put in excuse.
2. I don't celebrate every Sabbat.  I don't do anything for the full or new moon.  I wish I did, but again time is a factor.  I do take a moment to think about the Sabbat most of the time.
3. I wish I spent more time doing fun stuff with my kids.  Just hanging out and enjoying being with them.  But sometimes I just don't want to.  Working, raising them, taking care of the house.  It's exhausting.
4. We are not as healthy as we could be.  I feed my kids junk foods.  I don't buy organic.  I hate to exercise.

Honestly I could go on and on about my imperfections and share all my dirty little secrets.  But it would just sound like I'm having a pity party.  I just wanted to share, that all though I often have great ideas I want to share.  I'm not a perfect person.  I'm more than what I share with the online world.

~Earthy Mom

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