Pagan Blog Project ~ C is for Coming out of the Broom Closet

I was brought up Catholic.  We went to church every Sunday and I attended CCD classes once a week.  When I was little I couldn't wait till I was old enough to go up for communion with my Mom and Grandma.  When I reached the ripe old age of ten; I started to question the beliefs I was brought up on. Because at ten you have to
 start going to confession.  I began to think what kind of sin can a 10 year old commit that they have to go into a little cubicle with the priest right next door and confess to him.  The best I could every come up with was I was mean to my sister.  Why would any religious group make a child confess sins, something most children can't truly comprehend.  The next time I began to question, was when I was sixteen.  I didn't truly "believe" anymore and had struck a deal with my mother.  If I finished classes for Confirmation, making me an "adult" in the church, then I could choose not to go to church any more.  Part of the class was to do a certain amount of community service.  I chose to teach CCD classes to kindergarten and first grade children, because of my love for teaching.  One of my students told me their mom said they would go to hell if were mean to their sister.  Really shouldn't belief in God be about his love and being a good person.  Why do we feel the need to scare children?

It took me years to find the path to Paganism and then several more years to even think about coming out of the Broom Closet.  I was terrified of what my family would think.  Would they tell me I was going to go to hell.  Because even though I don't believe in hell, they do and it would hurt to have them think that.  I started slow and told my parents and my sister.  I'll never forget what my mom said to me, "I saw that on Walker Texas Ranger.  They do bad things and worship Satan."  She truly feared for me.  Several years later, my Grandma (the one person I never in a million years thought would understand) helped calm my mother's fears.  My Grandma's friend's child was Pagan and had recently had a Pagan wedding.  After that my Mother began to accept my beliefs.  We did still have disagreements, but learned to compromise.

Step two was coming out to the rest of my family.  A task that was more daunting than the first, since they are all so opinionated and think they are all right.  I dropped small hints here and there, to scared to come out and say it.  When I finally did just say it, I did so in a big way, my first marriage.  Most of my family "knew".  It was like that dirty little secret that everyone knows and nobody talks about.  I felt refreshing and freeing to just be me, be Pagan.

Now I'm working on coming out to the world.  I was just as scared when I started this blog, as I was when I told my family and friends.  I worried about the haters.  Could I and how would I handle any negativity thrown my way.  Luck and good fortune have been on my side.  This has been nothing but a pleasant experience.  I think I'm ready to become more involved in the community.  I'm feeling ready to be me everywhere.

~Earthy Mom