July 7, 2011

Feeling like the evil stepmother

Lately Duckling has been taking things that don't belong to her and lying about it.  Both from people at our house and her mom's house.  It's frustrating to deal with.  Especially since I finally got Monkey to stop doing that a few years ago.

So here's where the evil stepmom part comes in.

Evil Step-mom face
 Since I'm a mostly stay at home mom, I do most of the cleaning up stuff and laundry.  So that means I'm the one who finds the stuff that doesn't belong to her.  Then I have to talk to her about it, and let her dad know so we can talk with her together.  All the while I'm wondering if she resents me.  Because if it wasn't for me then she wouldn't get caught.  Her mom gives her complete freedom and the my husband is working all day.  Evenings at our house are usally chaotic with dinner, homework, and activities, which is the time he has for her.

I'm totally ok with being the "bad guy".  I was a single mom for eight years.  My kids love me, and they have learned that I'm always going to be "in their business".  It's not becauese I don't trust them, I don't go rifling through their stuff because they deserve privacy.  But I do expect that they follow our house rules and if they don't then they'll end up losing privalages. 
Some times it feels like we have two different sets of rules.  I know that we only have Duckling at our house a few days out of the week.  We don't want that time to be all strife, but I don't like bending the rules because of it.  This whole situation makes me feel like more than just the "bad guy".

~Earthy Mom


  1. If I might give a little advice...I'd suggest getting Duckling's bio mom, and your hubby, and you together and have a talk among the adults about the best way to deal with it. Perhaps Duckling's bio mom doesn't know the extent of the behavior. If she does, then you all definitely should get together and discuss what to do as a team. If you can all get on the same page, maybe that would help?

    Hope that it helps a little. I know you've probably already thought about this as a possible solution, but I figured I'd put it out there.

  2. No, Duckling wouldn't get caught if she didn't steal things.

    Yes, mother-hood and step-motherhood are not always fun.

    This is why we adults get to occasionally have a martini in recompense!

  3. Sapphire~
    Thank you for your advice.
    It would be Great if we could all be on the same page. For the most part my husband and I are usually on the same page. The only tough part is wanting to enjoy the time we have with her which sometimes equals not giving her a consequence.
    With her bio mom it's a constant stuggle. Her "rules" and ways of raising a child are completely different from us. I'm hoping, since we have Duckling full time for the rest of the summer, things will get better/easier. Not going back and forth and rules changing with the different households should help.